I will no doubt blog more on the subject.. unless lawyers should instruct me against such things… but I figure I should say something at this point.. though I will keep it ominously bare of details… suggestive to the imagination.

I’m on the verge of an emotional breakdown.. or.. maybe I’m not. There’s an ambiguity to it.. to it all.. but there are definitely moments where I feel myself to be at that verge. It could be cast into the light of appreciating that today is the 2 year anniversary of my mom’s passing. As near as I’m able to understand, the pain is still more then I’m able to fully take on.. so I experience it in ways where its like.. various psychological forces acting as intermediators between myself and the pain.. but this month.. every once in a while I find myself dropping down into that pain..

To further complicate matter’s there is my father… whom it is my job to take care of. No, I don’t feel I’m doing the greatest job at it.. but.. there is this intervention force, that is now thinking about taking my father away.. placing him in some sorta “home” -ish situation… my approval doesn’t matter…. they’re just going to do it.. and.. while my plan was to put him into an assisted living situation… to begin looking at it sometime after the new year.. It is that this intervention force… errr… it all looks quite dark to me.. like humanity subordinated to the machinery of the state.. so while I don’t object to my father being put in such a situation, I do object to the course they take in achieving this.,.. To how I’m treated.. and even, in places, how my father is treated: The Process

They have inaccurate perceptions of things, and they don’t care that these are inaccurate.. they will not subject them to debate..  or that there manner of proceeding could do more damage then good.. they seem to merely care about there perceptions..

The part of me that thinks my father could be better off in such a scenario is not terribly bothered by all this..  I mean that I’m having trouble coping, and that it may be adversely effecting my father… but the system still echo’s Nietzsche’s line “The state that coldest of cold monsters.”

Anyway, I’ll likely post more sometime soon.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009 at 1:16 pm and is filed under Mom and Stuff, life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.