[editors note: This was meant to be posted about a week ago] 

I just received word on this.. well moments ago.. and I’m all shook up by it.. more so then I had expected to.. I had gotten word that she wasn’t doing well as of a week or so ago.. sounded bad as a couple of aunts had made there way to upstate NY.. which.. you know, is not a great sign.

I, and my parents.. lived in Mass.. I grew up out here… its a 3 hour and 15 minute drive up to Rhinebeck NY.. where.. well my mom’s side of the family is from.. so we pretty much make it up there for Christmas.. every year since I was a kid.. and maybe other times here and there to.. but.. on some levels its like visiting another planet.. and some how in the disconnections of distance I find myself wondering why I feel so shook up.

The picture above was taken.. what, last summer? We had a family reunion..  

A little latter:

I’ve been going through the various picture I have of her.. that I haven’t gotten around to posting yet.. here’s a couple..

The blog theme kinda squishes it a little, or I imagine it will…

Latter that night

I think the shock of it.. has sorta settled a little bit. Now the mind turns to other things.. like getting my father ready for the trip up.. and all that might entail.. and what have you…

Seems kinda like a rough time.. I lost my mother a year ago last december.. which seems, in someways, almost like a life time ago.. and now loosing my grandmother.. seems like a lot of loss in a short span of time.. going from feeling like life is almost immortal.. to mortality meditation just barging down the door of consciousness.. regularly.. 

Right now its kind of difficult to take it in.. that I won’t see my grandmother living again.. that that presence wont be there in the same way..

I think you can kind of feel her presence in these pictures…

I’m not even sure how many years ago it was now.. when her health came into question… That it was as many years ago as it was… is something.

I feel a little bit of a sense of loss of words..

A couple latter: 

In the following picture.. I don’t know if you can really see it in this picture.. at this size.. you’d have to see it at its original size on flickr… but its like a patented ”Mammy gesture,” the way her lips are sorta… 

tucked in a little.. Having something to do with her sense of humor.. as she interacts with my Dad.. its def a family with a lot of personality… that much is beyond doubt..

These are definitely pictures to be seen at full size.. (and not this size)

There’s something about the realism of photography, and these pictures, that draws me in… Something about traditional media aesthetics.. and the sorta mediation effect they have between us and reality.. how this all shapes us.. and then to have this little window here.. that in someway says “now this is what life is really about.” 

The oldest of these pictures are.. well less then a year.. most around the 6 month mark..

Isn’t that a beautiful picture?  

Reminds me of this bit of Jung:

I could probably go on for some length talking about this sort of thing.. they psyche and life and death… these stages of our lives..  but I’m feeling a bit tried at the moment.. perhaps I’ll pick this up again latter.

Many days latter:

I plan on posting more.. about my time in Rhinebeck NY, and all this sorta thing… 

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 30th, 2009 at 7:54 pm and is filed under Mom and Stuff, Photography, aesthetics, life, psychology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.