I don’t have writers block, that doesn’t seem to be something I suffer from, but none the less.. It seems to be a challenge to bring blog entries to completion..
Latter:
Well I suppose some of my peeps seem to like my more random entries.. so maybe that is what this entry shall be.. I’m over tired as I write anyway…So.. I suppose why not return to the theme of the plot of the life of you’re truly? I mean what the hell, right?
My instinct is always to try and trust the natural processes of the psyche.. and if anything to just try and help facilitate those natural processes.. if you’re having an anxiety freak out.. well maybe that’s what you need to do, you know? That is maybe that’s one small part of a larger process.. I think a lot of times the way we look at our selves.. and our psychological realities.. we compartmentalize stuff.. put things in boxes.. we look at that box and say “this is a bad thing.” Sure.. its a bad thing.. but what is bad about it has more to do with the conceptual box we put it in then the thing its self!
So.. my advice is to try and see the larger order of things… lets not impose our will on our selves so much.. which is not quite to say I’m anti imposing will on thy self.. just that I want the wisdom to do it correctly.
My psychological reality.. subjective experience.. its as if I’m moving through a storm cloud.. and I can’t quite see properly or operate properly.. at least on some levels.
There are levels on which I seem to operate more or less perfectly no matter what. The are areas that are.. special areas.. I wont try to bother explaining why this is.. or how it all works.. cause it would take quite a long time to get through it all.. but these are areas that I’ve really dedicated myself.. sacrificed for.. gone to hell and back with.. and as we say in the cheesy hipster bizz.. these areas are “solid.”
Hmm… you know its as if there’s this huge part of myself that’s like.. damaged goods? Do you ever feel like that? Most people I know feel like that.. Is it what’s fucked up in our society.. the mistakes the generations that brought us up made? I have no idea.. all I can really tell you is that there’s a portion of my being that’s.. well, should never be put in charge of my destiny anyway, right?
When stress, pressure, and what not.. get going.. they can activate these damaged parts in ways that make them behave.. well lets say they make you behave like a none-fully integrated personality. Can you dig that?
So when I say I’m going through a storm.. in part what I’m saying.. the flight path of my life.. if I’m going to make it off that island I was talking about a blog entry or so back.. the part of this that has me worried is that.. in order for the things to work out.. I must depend on parts of me that are not totally 100% well integrated personality parts…. or it looks that way to me.. and that is really the basis of my fear…
Now as I was saying before, there are parts of me that are “solid.” These solid parts of my being.. I’ve tried to cultivate to super hero status.. in part just to compensate for the other parts.. The dream I had, while cultivating them, was that they would help to carry me through the parts of my life when.. I would need those other parts in order to function.. let me give you an illustration of the theory.
The theory that goes into digression rathole
Say one day, you became a rock star. If you’re a rock star.. a lot of things are going to come easily for you.. that would not come easily for you if you were not a rock star. I mean.. you’re going to get laid.. by the pretty girls.. I mean if you’re into that sorta thing.. you don’t actually have to have a lot of social graces cause everyone wants to be your friend.. it’s ok if you’re no good at doing laundry… umm… and blah blah blah..
Ok, so you think.. “yeah, ok.. but you know, being a rock star isn’t exactly a reasonable expectation for one to have about there life.” To this I would say “do you mean to say that that business about wishing upon stars is just a lot of hours shit?” Now listen, stop here for a second and contemplate what I’m trying to say to you.
If you wish upon a star, it apparently makes no difference where you are… blah blah blah.. you wish it, you dream it.. you put in the dedication, you can do anything.
Being a rock star isn’t not a realistic thing to wish on stars?
Do you get what I’m driving at? Is it wrong to dream too big? Is that a mistake? I mean to go and put everything you got into that one dream, and just go for it? I mean.. lets face it.. having a “back up” plan is not exactly how you climb the highest mountains! The highest mountains are climbed with “do or die.”
Well maybe not, I don’t know.. haven’t actually seen any studies on the subject.. but it sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?
Ok.. so I don’t mean to suggest that I’m trying to be a rock star and if this doesn’t work out I’m going to go blow my head open.. I mean I’m not exactly shooting for rock star-hood.. .or, I don’t know.. maybe I am.. but the point is more like.. say you cultivate within your self… stuff that’s really aiming that high.. or maybe even higher then that..
I mean lets get serious here.. Matt has issues. Matt would not be happy being a rock star unless… he cast a shadow bigger then Beethoven.. another words.. my ultimate sin is probably dreaming to big… Hmm.. I smell a music cue in here.
Ok, that was pretty unnecessary, ha?
So this big dreaming started at an early early age.. From what my mom told me before she passed away, I more or less came out of the womb this way. So you know, what are you going to do?
A few latter:
I’m too freaking tired to finish this line of thought.. So let me summaries where I was going with all this:
The summary
So we all have our strong sides and week sides.. and it makes sense to live in a way where you maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.. There is a question of.. what is critical.. and if the strong sides are strong enough.. can they make your weaknesses less critical?
Sure.. that’s all groovy and all.. but what I wanted to get to was this sense of an transformation going on inside me.. which is a very crazy thing indeed… Transformations have to do with.. shifts in energy flow.. shifts in psychology.. shift in.. what’s getting cultivated.. and as near as I can tell.. somethings going on in me that just might help me cope.
Any who.. I think I’ll post it at right here… I’m just too tired to finish this sucker up as I’d like.. and given that I probably wont be blogging as much as I’d like coming up.. well.. we should get down to business, right?
So I’m looking at reverb plug-in that I haven’t spoken of before in these virtual pages, and haven’t known about before for that matter…What I’m looking at is the Wizoo Wizooverb W5 5.1. This is a combination of Convolution Reverb with Algorithmic Reverb… The W5 is selling for, what looking like an amazing price… $250 at Musiciansfriend.com.It’s been hard as hell finding reviews of the W5, but I have found this review of the W2 ( little brother to the W5 ) on Sound On Sounds website. As near as I can tell.. the main differences between the W2, as seen in the SOS review, and the W5 are as follows:
The W5 is a 5.1 Surround sound reverb, where as the W2 is stereo
The W2 came with only 15 Impulse responses as of the review, where as the W5 has 25. Impulse responses are the actual sampling of acoustic spaces, I’ll talk about this a lil more latter.
Ok.. so lets get into this all a little bit..
For starts, the difference between convolution and algorithmic reverbs
Convolution reverb use “impulse responses” to “sample” acoustic spaces. Convolution reverbs provide the most realistic reverb sounds you can get.. there draw backs are limited abilities to actually edit the sounds.. so you don’t really have a tun of flexibility… or whatever flexibility you have probably comes down to your ability to choose from toue impulse response library. Algorithmic reverbs, on the other hand, are.. well.. algorithmic.. and very flexible.. though not always very realistic.. Still, for various reasons.. you often don’t want super realism.. or there are advantages to algorithmic reverbs.. mind you you can use convolution technology to sample algorithmic reverbs.. so this stuff can get interesting but… So the promise of the w5 is very nice indeed… and the SOS review seems to suggest that it really is all that.. so it’s certainly something to look at… Off in draft form is an entry on audioease software, including altiverb.. which is something I’m also looking at. Altiverb is the best of breed for convolution reverb.. has a mega huge library that the w5 can’t even think about competing on.. and blah blah blah.. still, one could get a W5.. for $250.. and to get the version of the altiverb that supports surround sound.. you’re looking at around $1000. The notion of getting a great sounding reverb.. that supports surround sound.. for $250.. is an amazing thing.
This brings me to a couple of question marks..
I was looking at the all in bundle from Audioease.. that runs at a little over a grand.. includes speaker phone, altiverb, and a few other plugs that would help round out my studio.. I could.. instead of getting altiverb.. just get speakerphone and the W5.. Speaker Phone, after all, does come with some convolution reverb of its own.. and between that, what comes with DP, and W5, that might very well cover my basic bases.. with $250 to spare.. Though as I think about this now, this isn’t as good a deal, i don’t think…. as the extra plugs that are a part of the all in bundle.. are worth more then $250, and you are getting.. in the all in bundle.. the best of breed reverb.. I guess where the w5 looks interesting to me.. is as something that would compliment my current studio.. It’s probably not necessary, but its interesting to look at and think about.
A few latter:
The big question is one of the quality of the integration of the algorithmic and the convolution… how well its able to draw from the strengths of both technologies while minimize there respective weaknesses. Does it really cover a whole other set of bases then the other convolution reverbs? I’ll talk about more related issues latter, for now.. lets just post this sucker!
I have a few post on the drawing board, of course last weekend was Boston Podcamp 3 and much of the week since has been recovery mode.. as I only had about 5 hours or so sleep as a result.. it was an amazing time.. I should add, but more on that latter. In any event, that’s reason why I haven’t been posting as frequently.
In other news.. stress and anxieties are up.. but I’m dealing..
This weekend I’ll be going to a cookout at my sister’s school in.. well more western-ish Mass then here. Have I spoken much of her? My sister has saver mental retardation and autism.. her and I are both adopted… from different parents. She’s older.. When my my parents adopted her they were not informed of her handy caps.. and um.. well not an easy scene.. anyway.. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I’ve seen her.. my father and I haven’t visited since mom passed away.. so it’s really important that we do.
The week coming up is looking to be.. well another one where I’m likely to slump off on the blog.. have a friend flying in.. one who’s helping me with my promotional efforts.. and we’ll perhaps do a bit of that while she’s here.. and maybe have her help me straighten out my life a bit.. which leads back to the stress and anxiety issues…
The long and the short of the anxiety issues.. well its broader then anxiety.. but basically I haven’t been coping well since my mom passed away.. Most of which has to do with new responsibilities that I wasn’t really prepared for.. I must say it’s an interesting plot. Ever hear the voice of God? Something about a merger between the unconscious and the unfolding of life.. or something.. who knows what it really is.. but the feeling like something is speaking to you from “the other side” so to speak. It seems to speak to me about the unfolding plot of my life. If I were to listen / trust in it.. I’d tell you everything is groovy.. which is a part of why I never quite know how I’m doing.
I can feel it and taste it.. opportunities… the chance to take flight.. for the time being my existence feels a little as if it were taking place on an island that was slowly falling into the sea.. one that if I don’t find my way off.. disaster strikes.. at least with respect to my dependancies.. which makes it quite a transition.. But the way the plot seems to be unfolding.. it looks as if disaster will be diverted.. and really, this feeling of impending doom.. it’s not likely doom at all.. or the sense of doom is just a construct of where my head is at at the moment.. It’s as if we took the whole of reality and magnified a portion of it.. and other parts sorta reseed.. and this image we have.. we took as the actual thing.. which it is.. but, its actuality is other then it’s image..
None of that should be to diminish the reality of imposing doom.. It is “a psychological reality” which makes it, at least in my book, no less real then material reality.. It speaks to the psychological transformations needed to make it all happen.. and if this transformation doesn’t happen.. well.. then you have disaster.
Anxiety, as near as I can tell, is the voice of those parts of me that.. are dragging there feet.. and the question, the fear, it’s what roll do they play in the unfolding of the whole. Could the derail it all? I wouldn’t put it past them..
I don’t mean to paint such a bleak painting of things.. but its not a good strategy to avoid these things ether.. so what the hell.. and with that I post.
So, Boston Podcamp 3 is just about here… and in anticipation of that.. I figured I’d at least have to post new episode… So it here it is.
In this podcast we can hear 3 bits of work.
Toshiro Mifune VS John Wayne.. in progress (the last version I made available for a limited time)
Peter’s Hill: This is an old “Fresh Meat” project between the Ev-on, and myself.. It’s sorta representative of a spirit / energy I’m interested in bringing to my work today.. Hopefully Ev-on will play a roll in this..
The New Metal Track… This is very early.. and there’s even a lot of work I’ve done for this that is yet to be a part of the track.. but I wanted to have something to share with you anyway.
As we speak I’m getting ready to rush out of the house for a Jeff Pulver type meet up thang… So not too much time to talk about too much..
I’m working on the guitar solo section, for the track I’ve been talking about in recent postings.. I haven’t figured out the proper work flow with the liquid mix.. even when I turn all the plugins off.. I get high latency… so I decided to just create a new project, where I’d do the the guitar parts, and then import then into the main project.. hoping i can import the midi tracks whole sale.. just another thing to have to work out.
I’m engaging in a process I’ve done before.. You sit at your guitar and try and work out the parts, while programing them into the computer.. for synths to play / stand in for the guitars… so you can work out exactly how things fit together.. This process has its pros and cons.. not the least of which is it’s hard to make things swing.. and the midi parts are more approximations of what it’ll sound like, and the performances.. then they are actually what you plan on playing.. which creates the problem of hearing things kinda wrong during this stage of things. Further.. or even as a result.. this process can change what you’re writing.. so you write it in such a way to make it easier to program or perform.. which is less then ideal.
The advantage of this sorta thing.. well what I’m trying to do is create a solo section which is somewhat of a “jam out” section. You have two guitars doing there thing.. they, to one degree or another.. exchange between playing rhythm and lead… and will eventually work out to doing harmonized leads..
The plan is to actually attempt to perform the thing.. probably at about half speed.. and then edit / speed up to real speed.. in post, so to speak. This will result in a lot of work…. but I’m hoping it’ll be worth it. Just the fact that it is a lot of work.. may make it so this section will be rather short, tight, and concise.
lyrics
Another issue I’m having is in the lyrics: There is no verse chorus thing going on.. right now we just have 3 riffs that play into each other.. I’m writing out vocal lines without knowing what they should say. I have this feeling that there ought to some sorta chorus-ish part.. where we here the same lines repeated at different parts of the song…. but for now it seems like the first few words of the first riff.. will repeat.. and then it’ll all go in a different direction after the repeat.
guitar
Another idea that’s evolving is we might have 2 solo areas in the song.. The one I’m working on now.. and another that’ll be… fairly insane…
insanity
One thought is to just improvise out some guitar playing.. and then edit the solo’s in melodyne… make them all work together.. The challenge I foresee with this approach is.. that I play too damn fast.. The song is already a very fast song.. and even relative to that fast tempo.. the notes will no doubt go faster then any grid will work.. and I’m not sure how well Melodyne will cope with all that.
The real advantage of working this way is.. its a lot more human.. a lot more “the real me,” in a certain sense.. The performance will be more organic.. and the actual playing will be.. more and unpredictable.
Later, back from Pulver:
Had a really great time, I LOVE these things. There was a kind of after twitter-ish party that lead out to karaoke.. It was a rather intimate crowd at this point… Apparently there was a party from Google there as well.. which made it sorta surreal.. being with social media folks and the fellow who started VON….
I’d say more about.. the project or the night.. but I’m feeling like my blogging has had better moments, so I’ll just leave this as it is.
I figure I gotta post something.. I have a draft almost ready to go.. but It’s another one of those music gear things.. and my feeling is… I don’t want to have so many of those in a row.. and given that it’s a late hour, I’m not really sure what subject I can properly deal with.. in the amount of time I’ll have to give this, so….
Well, how about a little news in what’s up with me these days?
There’s a lot of tension beneath the surface.. but for the moment I’m putting that aside.. while I try and focus on some other things.. hopefully this won’t spell disaster.. how cryptic is that?
I want to do some more posts on the anxiety subject.. I’ve been thinking pretty deeply about this.. think I have some interesting things to say.. including some interesting things I would have liked to have put at the end of a recent entry.
I’m working on new podcasts episodes.. so expect that soon.
A couple latter:
I’m having this very difficult to fight urge to say something really smart. You ever get those? It’s like a knock it out of the park thing.
I want to.. .hmmm
Ok, some thoughts that have been germinating…
I’ve been thinking about making my blog a kind of work of art… a work of art in the sense that.. Ok, dig this.. usually I’m like “Mr. Smarty Pants,” right? Like.. if you’re a “real” expert in something I’m talking about.. you know how naked the emperor really is.. but barring that.. I’m just a real great con, ha? Ok, maybe that’s over stating it but.. . well but that’s besides the point..
What I’m thinking of is like.. making my writing a kind of art.. which means.. What if my words transmuted into a painting? I mean.. Here we are wondering around these like.. hyper intellectual.. rational.. kinda deep.. thought path.. but what if that path suddenly vaporized.. and the going was like.. juxtapositions of paintings.. that the path had something to do with a poetic juxtaposition of…. well whatever it was?
There’s certain reasons this appeals to me.. For one.. In intellectual mode.. I’m often motivated by this need to express something.. to communicate a vision.. but I often have to go so far to get you there… has to be this long winding path.. … and even then.. the words are at best pointers to something.. and its very easy to get lost in the words, as a pose to the thing.
Another issue is that the intellectual shtick.. On some level I feel unaware of the implications of it.. but I think there might be this… If I’m hyper intellectual… you might look at me in a way that’s.. . well “thats not me” you say to your self.. “I can’t do that” and this somehow separates us…. it can get in the way of a sense of a shared humanity.. a sense that we share a commonality.. .
A few latter:
I have this gear I go into.. It feels like some kind of hyper warp mode.. like some kind of mind meld with god… It’s as if… well, let me ask you this, where do your thoughts come from? It’s as if you followed the trail.. to the source.. and the closer you got the source, the more kinda powerful the thoughts were… something like that..
Latter:
God, I’m over tired.. I’d like to really go deep into this.. but basically.. every thought / psychological phenomenon.. everything.. comes from this source.. anxiety, as a for instance.. the thing is to learn how to relate to these things so they help, as a pose to hinder, you.. I’ll leave it at that for today..
[Editor’s note: This was written before I actually bought the liquid Mix 16, which will give you some of the background thinking on the subject.]
So.. I was talking a little about going the Liquid Mix 16 route.. with the thought that the saved money might be invested in things that.. would result in better value for my particular needs.. I say this without a lot of confidence.. but I thought I’d share with you what I’m looking at.
PSP Mix Pack 2, from PSP Audio Ware
PSP Mix Pack 2 (follow this link to see for your self) runs at $200.. which from everything I’ve been able to gather is a very good deal indeed. What you basically get is 2 EQs, a compressor, a warmer, and a gate.
Mix Bass 2
I’m counting this as an EQ.. but it’s also a bit of a compressor.. designed for enhancing your bass frequencies.
Mix Treble 2
I’m counting this as an EQ to.. but its a bit more then that.. stereo enhancing, hiss removing.
Mix Presser 2
Its a compressor, as with the other items of the Mix Pack.. I’d describe it as.. “vintage inspired.” What I mean by this is that PSP isn’t trying to accurately emulate any particular type of vintage or analog gear.. its a bit more like its meant to be thought of as “items of the vintage genera.”
Mix Saturator 2
This is a kind of distortion unit… but I mean.. the kind of distortion that recording to real to real tape can give you.. it’s a kind of subtle distortion that can add cohesion to your mix.
Mix Gate 2
Well it’s a gate, what more is there to say?
Why Mix Pack 2?
Though a few blog entries back I said “I’m now in a situation where I don’t have to compromise,” there are some limits to that truth. It’s perhaps true that no matter how much money you got, when looking at studio gear, you’re going to have to make compromises.. you’re going to have to, as we say in the Indiana Jones Biz.. . “choose wisely.”
Im still feeling like to choose wisely I need to know the field better.. know what’s out there better. The trouble seems to be that most of what’s out there, that I know something about, is very much on the expensive side.
DSP Cheap?
On my quest for cheap, I’ve even found my self in the unlikely position of looking at DSP solutions.. which have there own processors on which there plugs run. The prices on some of these units have dropped dramatically because the power of there processors are.. well the same as when they came out.. x years ago, or whatever… and the power of modern processors has jumped a good deal… so.. you can actually get a good deal, as far as a bundles of effects.. going this way.. though you have a limited number of instances as a result.. which probably isn’t ideal for me… and you probably have some latency issue with respect to firewire based solutions..
I do want you to take a look at this fellow from TC Electronics demoing PowerCore. I’m looking at the compact model.. as it would seem pretty cheap.. His name is Jim Motley… and, judging from the crowd reactions, as nearly as I can tell.. the folks at the conference had about the same reaction to him as I did “what a dick!” I mean PowerCore is a very high class kind of platform.. and this guy seems like he’s hocking low class stuff on QVC! (nothing against QVC mind you)
If you take a look at his “processing voice through Power Core Plug-ins,” I can tell you what he’s telling you is not entirely true.. or at least its not true at this moment in time.. Power Core is certainly not the only place you can turn to for this kind of vocal processing.. Indeed Melodyne does many of the same things.. and Waves makes tools that will do it as well… *sigh* way to make good products look bad.
My feeling is.. with the rise of the power we find in modern computers… it seems to me like the need for DSP solutions is really dropping.. making there disadvantages seem bigger.
Back to the PSP Mix Pack Subject
What I’m looking for, on the one hand, is something to round out the studio stuff.. I’ll be going very high class with DSP in my EQs and Compressors.. and what I’m primarily interested in is something to cover the bases in the gaps that occur when you run out of DSP instances / power.
Of course this means I’m interested in EQs and Compression.. but another thing of interest to me.. is ways to add a kind of analog warmth to my mixes.. flavor and color.. and its on this sorta level that, for the price, the PSP Mix Pack seems unbeatable.
PSP Master Pack
PSP offers another bundle.. that more or less kinda covers some of the same bases as Mix Pack 2, and then some.. but at a much more high class level.. that’ll run you about $700. From what I gather this is some very excellent stuff.. but at $700.. its in some ways a more crowded market… and at least for me, there’s more question of “is this really the right investment for me?” The Mix Pack 2, being only $200.. It doesn’t really have the same kind of competitors surround it.. I mean.. It’s kinda like “yeah, that’ll add something to what I’m dong,” and I get to keep both arms and legs!
Still.. I find myself a little on the fence…
PSP Effects Pack
The other Bundle that really has my attention is the PSP Effects Pack, which is mostly about delays as it happens…
PSP 608 Multi Delay
This sucker has been on my radar since it was introduced.. a few years ago, I believe.
A few days latter:
The above mentioned delays has been on my wish list for years.. it’s about $140.. but my thoughts have shifted since I wrote the above.. the PSP Mix Pack 2 still seems to make sense to me.. though I am inclined to hold off a little bit on that.
I’m, as you should know.. interested in an Altiverb / Spakerphone Bundle.. which runs at around a grand. What I wonder is if that might cover some of the bases the Mix Pack 2 covers… and for that reason I’m inclined to wait.
The Multi Delays is… I do so want it.. though buying it out side of the bundle.. for $140.. it’s one of those things that.. you think about how much money you have and you wonder if you can really do that for just a delay.. and if I am to go the Max/MSP/Jitter route, would that not cover that base to?
I feel as if.. once I’ve spent that much money on the sound part of my studio.. I really can’t spend any more… at least not till I’ve got some kind of an income going on. I’m already feeling like I’m probably pushing it a little hard.
Ok, this is a somewhat long-ish story.. the story of Matt’s recent woes.. from anxiety, career, money, banks, and what not to.. well lets say stuff.. which will eventually lead us into my most recent trip to guitar center, the buying of the Liquid Mix 16, and then into the current music production project…
It all started last Sunday. I was in a sleep deprived state, and as is my way, running late to the Boston Media Makers. The Boston Media Makers is now taking place at Doyle’s Cafe in JP.. (Boston).. so it’s new media plus breakfast… and so I needed to go to the bank to get money to fill up my gas tank, buy an energy drink, smokes, and still have enough left over for breakfast.. and then things turned ugly!
The bank tells me I put in the wrong pin number.. a few tries latter and the ATM won’t give me the time of day. WTF I think… but being sleep deprived.. in a somewhat LSD like consciousness.. made even more LSD-ish after watching a documentary on the Beats.. who knows, maybe I did get the pin wrong?
So long story short, got Gas, smokes, and my Monster on credit, breakfast on cash… but it was a stress feast combination of sleep deprivation, running late, and.. the ATM experience. All of which fueled a little extra anxiety over how I presented myself at the media makers.. but that’s another blog entry.
[Editor’s Note: This is a long, sometimes rambling entry.. so brace your self, you hardy souls whom might actually get through it.. also to note is a certain connection between this entry, and the recent social media cool-aid entry.]
More problems:
I was actually planning on buying a computer monitor, at Micro Center in Boston, with cash after the meeting… It’s the closest “good” computer store I know… or at least see if they had the Dell I wanted, what there price was.. and that sorta thing.
The food supply in the house was running low.. so grocery shopping had to be done soon.
My dad had medication that needed to be picked up from the CVS
I should maybe break off from this and explain my anxiety paranoia at this point? When my mom died I was told, by a couple aunts, not to pay the credit card bills that were my mom’s bills. Someone had talked to a lawyer about this.. and something to do with Massachusetts state law.. trouble is, I never actually talked to a lawyer.. and am kind of vague about all this.
[Editors note: Matt wanted to insert this scene from the end of THX 1138, as it seems express of the psycho reality of his situation.
You’d perhaps have to see the full movie to really appreciate the significants of this clip.. and probably need to read the rest of the blog entry to, while you were at it.. but pay attention to a certain subtext of this blog entry.. its all sorta crystalized here..]
In any event… there’s lots of credit card companies calling the house.. I have yet to talk to any of them as.. well until I get the iPhone.. I’m a very difficult person to get in touch with via the phone.
Now the LSD like consciousness of sleep deprivation does have… well you sometimes attribute causality to things that, in reality, don’t have a causal connection. These causal connections are truths of a kind of symbolic nature.. they have something to do what’s going on in you psyche.
So what’s going on in Matt’s psyche?
This is really a subject for another time, I mean to really dig into… I will tell you that since my mom passed things have not been real easy… and that most of the uneasiness of it is not something that expresses its self consciously.. It’s kind of a complicated thing.. and I feel like blogging about it might actually be helpful to me.. or at least talking about it.. but it’s somehow hard to talk about.
All these inward tension.. they expressed them selves in the paranoid dilution that.. well I think the bank might actually be one of the creditors… so the paranoid delusion.. was there was something more to my inability to get into the bank then.. some sorta pin number problem. And with this was the fear that I wouldn’t have access to money to pay bills.. so I shouldn’t write a check till I got to the bottom of this.
On top of all that.. another expression of anxiety is a procrastination of bill paying.. so the bills are.. now in the over due column.. and one expects one’s credit is getting dinged.
Crazy is as Crazy Does
Ok.. so allow me to stop here and try and explain a little of this.. For one thing I’ve been behind on sleep for a little while now… for another I’m being a little operatic in how I’m talking about it.. which is to say I’m amplifying the story a little.. which is not quite to say I’m not crazy.. just that.. I’m turning up the gain of a certain sorta crazy.. or perhaps on the microscope through which we are looking at it…
[editors note: Matt’s operatic-ness, at this point in the entry, is mainly expressed through with language like “paranoid delusions,” which sorta overstates things “a bit.” And what he’s talking about is the casual connections sleep deprivation is facilitating.]
Matt’s Plot
Ok, so lets pull back a little and take a look at my life’s plot, and where this moment fits in it all. I’m trying to do this “artist” shtick thing. I don’t know if you’ve heard the cliche about starving artists? Well.. I don’t believe that being an artist means you have to starve.. but the cliche is at least expressive of the fact that making a living as an artist is no easy feet.. more so when you’re as uncompromising as I am.
Though I march forward in a sorta heroic-ish way.. I don’t think anyone could walk this walk without there being a lot of really huge tension over what the future might bring.. It’s really that I’m crazy enough to not let that keep me from walking this way… [Editors note: This would be part of the significance of the THX reference] but there is still that fear that it might all come to naught.. and that perhaps all my sacrifices are in vain.. and this is a very big tension.. particularly as it interacts in a larger ecology of tensions.
Now.. if you ask me about the “objective real reality” of the situation.. I’ll tell you.. things are probably “A-Ok.” Allow me to give you reasons why things are probably “A-Ok.”
I’m doing the social media shtick. Why would this make things A-Ok? Well.. I’m connected / networked in with a pretty substantial crowd of folks. If you’re reading this, you might be one of said substantial folks? There’s a humanness to.. many of these connections where.. to one degree or another, we really do care about each others well being.. and.. all of us are pretty well connected, one way or another.. and the long and the short of it is.. social media is a powerful tool for finding work.
It is not an infrequent thing that.. I get a job lead.. or some connection leads to something. Of course I don’t put a premium on following this stuff up.. because of how focused I am trying to be on trying to do my own thing.. but the point is there is stuff out there.
Very sweet and wonderful people have actually come out and asked me what they could do to help. Can you dig that? For me that’s down right mind blowing.. but its true.
What I’m doing.. in my own adventures.. has within it’s self the idea.. that I’m putting together a skill set for a job that does not yet exist. And believe it or not I’m actually networking with people who could us those services.. even if they don’t know it yet.
Latter:
There’s more to this story… lots more.. but for the purposes of this blog entry I only want to go so far as to say that tensions can obscure this reality.. so that it doesn’t feel like things are “A-Ok” in the big picture… even if they kinda sorta are. And we could talk about this more but…
Yeah.. so imagine the fear like.. you don’t know if you’re going to be able to take care of your father or your self, that the world could be crumbling down… This kind of stress inevitably leads me into pushing harder in my work.. and my self criticism gets much worse then it sometimes can be anyway.
None of this would have been a big deal if not for.. by that monday.. there was very little food in the house.. and if not for.. I had gotten to the bank that day prior to its closing.. I didn’t realize this.. but our bank likes to close at 4PM.. in order to get there I kinda have to fight my way through my tensions over it.. and so find myself there and.. the bank closed.. and I didn’t even know there hours! And so days passed with this hanging over my head.. all of it.
Add to all this that here I am gearing up on these music projects.. and I need to go out and buy more gear! I was also planning on getting an iPhone.. still needed to buy my Podcamp ticket.. I’m not sure what else.. and all of that was.. at least in my fears, looking like it might not work out.
And the dark clouds reseed.
Well finally I did get into the bank.. did make a with drawl so I have enough cash in my pocket to run for a few weeks.. somehow the pin number.. sorta fixed, accept it still wasn’t able to use it.. so maybe I’ve somehow miss remembered it.. anyway they are sending me the numbers so I’ll have them..
That dark cloud emphasized how fragile I can feel.. way out here in starving artist vill.. and it was a crazy rough week for me.. when the clouds finally did leave.. I finally decided that it was indeed time to make my trip to Guitar Center and pick up Liquid Mix 16. This was a long deliberation.. most of which is documented in this blog..
But wait, there’s more!
I couldn’t find my car keys.. and not only that but I still had grocery shopping yet to do.. I had done a little after the with drawl… but.. now without my keys, how could I do this? It wasn’t till sometime today when I finally found the keys.. and boy do I hate doing grocery shopping on the weekends, when the places are a crowded madness.. screw that!
So I made my way over to Guitar Center, finally. Was I really going to do it?
I wish I knew these guys names more.. I told the sales guy “I’m here for the Liquid Mix 16.” His eyes sorta widened.. “That’s a great little unit.” What? Every sales guy in the pro audio department didn’t even know what it was.. nor did they know much of anything of any of the mix engineer-ish tools I had been looking for.. but this guy new it.. and was thinking of getting one for him self.
I then rattled off a number of things I had been looking for..
Ok, let me explain. Guitar Center has a thing where you pay no interest for 3 months, 6 months, a year.. depending on what mood there marketing department is in.. what this means is you can buy stuff on credit without interest payments.. which is something you can’t easily do over the internet.. and credit card interests rates being what they are.. buying on credit will add a hell of a lot to your bill.. so going to Guitar Center for the big ticket items is what makes the most sense at this point..
So a number of pieces of gear.. gear that other sales folks had never even heard of.. stuff that you often can’t find on the Guitar Center website.. he could find in the computer.. stuff that the other sales folks didn’t think they carried.
So it was pretty awesome.. I mean he could actually answer some of my questions!
Onto the Liquid Mix 16
I had read where people had had problems with instillation.. particularly with Digital Performer.. and boy have I had software problems lately.. so I was a little nervous.. but the instillation was more or less as smooth as they come.. and before you knew it, I was up and running.
Liquid Mix is… well you get a library of 40 compressors and 20 EQs. I’ve explained this ad nauseam else where in this blog.. but basically you’re getting this library of the most high class EQs and Compressors on the planet.. each of which works in slightly different ways… is good for different sorts of applications.. colors sound differently.. etc.
The first problem you run into is.. “which should I use?” To further complicate matters.. its sorta like a hockey video game where they can’t use the names of real NHL teams.. where they can’t give you the names of the real gear you’re using.. not that that would make too much of a difference as I don’t actually know the names of the real gear anyway.. but.. if you read interviews with various mix engineers.. telling you what they use for what.. or articles on these subjects.. you’d kind of like to know what you’re dealing with… Fortunately I found an old Sound On Sound review of Liquid Mix that included the names.
The light in my room is out.. so I couldn’t actually go digging through magazines to find that recent article on mix buss compression… but upon doing the google.. I found this blog entry.. from of all people.. Charles Dye, which covered the subject.. and recommend an SSL compressor for my master buss. (Charles is quite the sophisticated fellow for this sorta thing).
And with that I jumped in
First, you must understand that I usually make crazy music like this (click on the little arrow to hear, and yes, it is a free download.. but it’ll stream for ya fine )
This kind of electronic music has very different sorta mixing requirements from my new experimental electronic metal thing.. I mean.. now I have to try and be “a real” mix engineer. God save us!!! And I was fearful that.. well I hear a lot of stories of the struggles folks go through when they are first starting out..
But strangely.. I felt as if I had discovered that I had a real talent for this… upon reflection
The Start of my Mix Engineering Training: “The JP Years.”
After college I would hang out with.. the man we call “The Doctor” aka Diggity Dave.. and Ev-on, as he sometimes refers to him self in the comments of these blog entries.. Now.. these fine upstanding citizens.. well
They are artists to.. and were struggling to
There was more alcohol and Pot going on then… lol, good times
Crazy adventures were the norm.. one could become quite a fine author with the material our of those times.
Diggity did indeed have a stereo system with the best speakers I had ever heard in my life.. at that point.
We’d throw CDs in there.. just to see what we had been missing all these years.. and I was forever analyzing the mixes. Mind you, at the time.. I wasn’t really all that sophisticated in my mix analytic abilities.. but it was surely something.. Dave and Evan’s music tastes had a whole lot of Hip Hop going on.. classic rock.. metal, electronic stuff.. even Curtis Mayfield.. quite the eclecticism.. and I with my Zappa and assorted strange stuff… and there was Jim whom would sometimes be there.. with his punk and indy rock.. and so.. though we were all rather poor.. we were wealthy in terms of the music we were all able to hear.. and it was quite an education.
I’d just listen to those records and dream of the day I could have a chance to put one together.. and could I ever make one as good as some of the stuff we were hearing? Oh my god, so much amazing stuff!!! Seems like these days I don’t get a chance to listen to too much.. but back then, oh wow!
The production in this track was a little rushed.. so there’s certainly things in there I’m not totally happy with.. but there’s also a lot in there that has me feeling very proud…. that I think is sorta amazing.. the marriage of the mix and the composition.. the experience.. the scenes.. the painting of it.. to put it a certain way.
When you listen to stuff like that.. you can kind of tell I’m really thinking about the mix… even if there are huge problems here and there.. and even the problems.. its sorta like a punk rock school of mixing or something.. where we kinda consider them in a different light.. or something.
So.. my music production is kinda all about the mix, on a certain level… but the mix isn’t static.. nothing stays still. In metal.. things stay still. The guitarist stays over there.. the bass player over there… no ones moving that drum set.. so my electronic music is all about a mix that has a virtual stage that is forever in flux. I regard it much more as being about “Mix Painting” then “Mix Engineering.”
Buckling down into Metal. My god, how am I going to handle this? I didn’t know.. but I knew investing in Liquid mix would be an important step along these lines.
First Impressions on the mix metal path
The first thing you realize is that what you’re really doing, as a mix engineer, is quite subtle. No wonder those guys seem so obsesses over so many little things that I don’t think I can even hear! Being subtle is the first thing you have to get used to… That you’re really thinking in terms of a lot of subtle colorations which, hopefully, eventually lead up to a whole that is more then the sum of the parts..
My recent obsession with effects has been one of… well a kind of obsession with with subtleties.
Next morning (still not really awake):
The metal I have going on right now is.. incredible
The transition from my normal experimental production and composition style.. to a metal sorta song writing thing is a huge jump. In my electronic stuff there are no rules… there certainly isn’t anything like a traditional structure.. and In Metal.. I’m not sure how traditional my structures will turn out to be.. but at least from a starting point sorta perception of things.. I need to figure out how to make my music work inside of the limitations of a popular music format.
The funny thing is.. I’m kind of an amazing heavy metal guitarist from certain perspectives. As a guitarist I’ve never been too terribly big on playing other people’s music.. I’ve maybe learned 3 such songs in my life.. but I’ve certainly learned a lot of riffs.. and what not… The point is that my guitar playing has really always centered around.. being more interested in making original music then replicating other folks stuff.
I would say, generally speaking.. my style draws heavily from the riffs of Black Sabbath.. and a kinda speed-e metal of Metallica and Megadeth… and from there comes an original vision. That vision is largely about a strange interpretation of music theory… and a strange kind of aesthetic vision.
For me, a lot of what you of what you see, in say a John Coultrane.. is like.. just natural and obvious? Let me share with you two videos.. one with Coultrane playing, another with a critic talking about it.
In a certain sorta way you could kinda imagine critics talking about my work this way.. hope that doesn’t sound arrogant but..
Now I’m not sure if Ben Ratliff totally gets it. See… composition is about “organization” of sound, and the framework for how we organize sound.. is the same sorta thing for how we organize facts into a conception of reality… and that’s sorta the implication of what Coltrane is doing… Thus a critics application of the terms of American Transcendentalism is… not really all that far fetched. [Editors note: The second critic quoted.. his “conversion story” has some relation to the earlier THX clip]
So if I tell you that I have a hard time thinking inside of conventual structure, that’s sorta what’s interesting in my work.. So here I am embarking on an adventure to.. think in conventional structure? I’m not totally sure about this, I think maybe its like.. that’s just the starting point.
So I’m obsessing on song writing.. thinking about song writing, or thinking about music making from a “song writers” perspective…..
It’s so hard to know how to bring you in on this.
In a traditional structure there are lots of possibilities. (sub structural interest?)
Lets say you have a chord progression going on.. Now really, that chord progression could be anything.. but what we usually here is sorta limited… I mean were used to a fairly limited number of chord progressions. Once you have your chords progression, there is the question of how it gets voiced by the individual instruments… What’s guitar 1 play, what’s guitar 2 play, what’s the bass playing… Even if what we have going on is a simple riff… that riff can be interpreted different ways.. you could have two guitarists harmonizing the riff… or playing different parts of the chord.. and perhaps they don’t play it the same way twice..
Then you have the matter of how each instrument “interprets” the other instruments.. I mean screw the preconceived chord structure! This where we are in some ways echoing Coultrane.. or Jazz.. This is especially doable in a metal context because… the guitars are generally not playing the 3rds.. So how is the vocal line to relate to the guitars?
Then you have.. well you have things like how one riff relates to the next… how the riffs are moving around.. In the particulars of how I’m working.. the consideration is generally.. where’s one riff starting and ending.. what’s the chord there.. and then if you look at that riff over all.. where is it hanging out most.. and how do these characteristics relate to the riff that came before? There’s also issues of how the energy works in a given riff.. contrasts in energy.. and a number of other things.
So all of this is kind of how I think about music generally.. when making it, but it’s different in that.. It’s like going from free verse poetry to poetry with a structure. What’s interesting about being forced to work inside a structure is.. you find your self spending more time refining things… as I write vocal lines I’m like “oh, no really, what’s the right word to put here?”
There also is structural anarchy going on.. which in a certain way you could call the linguistic framework of the music. Or the anarchical aspects create the linguistic interest…
My Goal
My goal is to make something that is.. as good as anything I’ve ever heard before, at least. Good in the sense of.. how developed the details are, in the sense of the refinements of the song writing.. the composition… the mix. Beneath all of this there is the essential idea of what it is I’m doing.. the core of it.. and that… that I think is amazing.. and that’s one of the first things that hits me…. that’s one thing that is already in it.
I think it must be the anarchy speaking.. It must be my difficulty fitting in, in a certain way.. it must be how strange I am.. that that strangeness has been allowed to evolve for so long.. to have its own depths, its own maturity.. that it managed to escape the forces of socialization.. that we are seeing a kind of new animal before us.. one that lives within us all.. and it is like a call to becoming… a voice we have often heard before.. but perhaps did not have the courage to follow.
Creating the Mix and the Song at the same time:
The process is an experimental one.. one where the composition it’s self, at a certain point, is made to fit the mix, just as the mix is made to fit the music…. and the mix even is the music. So again.. I’m drawing from my experimental electronic music.
A we bit latter:
So let me wrap this up
For starters I’d say that I think this new direction in my music.. will correct certain problems I have with my work.. I’ll leave this at that.
Now I want to talk about Anxiety.
A little while ago I did a post entitled Death by Anxiety. It was a kind of strange post. It was strange in that it painted a picture of myself that was.. raw and naked and.. well what it was. After making that post, and the feedback I got on it.. I started to think of my self in different terms then I normally do. The people in the videos suffered from very bad anxiety.. and I both identified with them, and began to see the roll of anxiety in my life in a way that threatened my self concept. This then lead into a wrestling with the subject.. and it reached it’s worst point when I ran into my ATM trouble.
One of the things you run into thinking, or I did, was.. is anxiety an organic problem? Some sorta genetically inherited issue.. was it a mistake to blame my mom for it? Perhaps heavy metal is nothing but a kind of expression of anxiety? Or I mean about anxiety? What is anxiety?
Well you know I’m kind of a philosopher of the mind… and in my LSD like sleep deprived consciousness… I began to explore my mind in relationship to anxiety. Indeed the anxiety threatened to capsize me!
One of the things I notices was that anxiety seemed to be a “normal psychology” that relates to reality in “interesting ways.” Anxiety seemed to be a situation where the unconscious mind is participating in our organization of the details of life, of reality, and painting a picture for us. Reality is ALWAY this… as we experience it.. detached objectivity, though it is a modern ideal, is an illusion. Reality is ONLY experienced through the lens of consciousness. And so it is that anxiety is an adventure into our own depths.. with our depths expressing its self on the world around us, or through our experience of the world around us.
This is obvious enough stuff.. to any student of depth psychology… medication treatment is never about fundamentally changing the matter, its about living with it.. where as the natural way of the psyche is one of changing the matter. Indeed, it would seem that anxiety is actually a kind of advanced process of self evolution. We are confronted with the question of how do we relate to our own depths.. as this is projected in front of us. Our living in the world becomes about a psychological process / evolution.
I have a long held belief, a kind of presumption, that one’s psychological reality is always as it is for a reason. The existence of a psychological phenomenon is there to serve us, if we can just find the proper relationship to it.
As I stated earlier in this entry… there are things In my life that I’m having a hard time dealing with… It’s hard enough that I’m really only able to deal with so much of it at a time.. in a kind of direct experience. When the pressure of it builds up to a certain point.. it forces a confrontation. It can ether do this via a sorta psychological confrontation, or via reality.. by which I mean that the unfolding events of one’s life are direct manifestations of the inward realities, versus a projection onto our understanding of reality.. we are, after all, talking about the first stage here.
When I talk about composition as being about organizing factors that have a relationship to how we organize our understanding of reality.. and when I say my music is prophetic in the sense that I’m developing new organizational methods.. more advanced, I think, then what has come before.. my music, on a compositional level, is a way of dealing with all of this.
This is really deep and profound stuff..
Latter:
THX 1138 Revisted
THX 1138 is a dystopia… its is a kind of prophetic vision of our modern situation.. A few points
The power relationships relative to mental health, define what is a normal or not normal… and of course proscribe medication.. treatment that, as mentioned above.. is more about coping that dealing with the underlying problems. In THX it is law that we take medication, and when we stop taking it.. we become anxious
Consumption is the enforced behavioral norm in THX.. again leading to the behavior control.. the sense that everything is “A-Ok.” We see this in normative modes of being.. in our modern situation.
It’s really all about the power to define a thing. We are now used to –
Next day
I’m thinking this entry is long enough, and I ought to cut it short.. what I want to suggest is that there are connections between social control, anxiety, human potential, the structure of the psyche, collective evolution, and um.. so the symbolic significance of what I’m trying to do… has to do with how I’m relating to this complex of factors, and how my work does.. and we’ll leave this at this for now.
[Editor’s note: It turns out that “The Dr”. Has been hanging out with Carl Sullivan.. somewhere in rock port.. and via a secret under ground army (yes some people in the government know about this, but you know how conspiracy’s go) message got back to Matt, and it was Matt’s Job to publish this report… This accounts for the madness of it all ]
First a video
Ok, did you happen to catch that? I mean the symbolic significance, it didn’t get past you did it? Yes indeed-e, the fellow for whom the term “cool-aid” comes from.. more or less… he would seem to be… *gasp* making some sorta social media thing. I mean is he not talking about social media? Danger will Robenson.. how could this be?
Ok… Ok… Ok, dig it.. I’m not a bid Dead head, or anything like that.. and I’m not someone who ever made a life style out of LSD… so don’t chew be thinking I’m coming at you from quite that angle! Lets curve, and swerve.. around a bit.. so I can speak to you about what it tis…
Yes, Beware that Cool-Aid!
Well.. it’s not that there’s anything wrong with cool-aid per-say.. the question has more to do with from where the cool-aid came.. something to do with the brewing.. a kind of DNA like imprinting…I’m now given to calling myself a social media philosopher.. that seems like the best kind of language.. at least of what I’ve found thus far, to talking about where I is a come-in from..
Err.. perhaps I should shift my manner of speaking.. so that my tonality might not confuse.. the some..I have developed a systematic, you might say schematic, of the underlying dynamics which influence the evolution of social media. That’s probably not saying quite strong enough.. We aren’t talking about influence, we are talking about “is.” Another words.. I’ve cracked the code.
As near as I can tell.. nobody’s cracked the code yet.. but much like Darwin, I’m not actually talking about it too much.
[Editors note: The Dr.” is getting a little esoteric on your but-ox, Darwin worked out his theory of Evolution long before he actually published it.. he just sorta sat on it for years.]
[Note to self: Thy readers proll-e think I’m nuts now.]
Ok.. lets scoot-a-dew on over to some of this here top secret schematical stuff..
[Note to self: I should probably make people buy ticks before I show them into my top secret Hanger 18 type laboratory.. well as long as the don’t spot my top secret world domination plot, I’m sure I’ll be ok]
Um.. so what I’m trying to get at is.. the DNA… hmm… did I mention information was a virus?
Take it Away Laurie
So language.. that’s a way of encoding information, isn’t it? So is it language or information that’s the true virus? Language.. at best can point to the truth.. its always somehow removed from the actual reality.. can only take you part way there.. This would be a kind of Kantian thang..
So.. When I’m talking about cool-aid, I’m not actually talking about reality it’s self.. I’m talking about something to do with something that can influence our understanding of reality. The reality, in my view.. and the cool aid.. there’s some overlapping truth.. here…
[Editor’s note: Word in the underground was there was some king a crazy banging going on in that there cell block.. just after we lost the transmission, so you’re going to have to make of this what you will.]
Yeah.. well I am, I’m just not posting quite enough. *sigh* I embark on these huge posts.. never to finish… And mostly they are probably too long to read anyway. So, how about a little update?
I got the liquid mix 16
The New Metal is going amazingly well.. though perhaps not fast enough
There’s a lot one could say about these things.. and indeed I do say them.. in those un-posted drafts… and perhaps I say more then one should ever say.. .just so damn long. How will I ever break this habit?
I’ve also discovered some interesting connections with what I’m trying to do musically and the collective consciousness of our times (pretty groovy, ha?)
So be for warned.. mass writing will likely follow!
Oh, in other news.. Podcamp Boston is just around the corner.. so there’s some chance I might try and revamp my website a little.. for the occasion.. so stay tuned for that, ha?
